


The Realization of Pain (And Why We Call it Love)

by everybreathagift



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drunkenness, Emotional Hannibal, Fluff and Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, drunk hannibal is fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 10:52:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5161043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everybreathagift/pseuds/everybreathagift
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a nasty fight, Will finds drunken comfort elsewhere. Hannibal then discovers ugly truths. Written for a Tumblr prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Realizations

**Author's Note:**

> "I'd love to see your interpretation of how Hannibal would react if Will cheated on him."
> 
> Please, forgive any errors.

Will's feet dragged as he walked up the stairs to the home he shared with Hannibal. Everything hurt, from his legs to his head to his heart, and more than anything, he wanted to erase the last twenty-four hours. 

They'd fought, over something ridiculous that Will couldn't even recall now, but it lead to Will bringing up Abigail and Hannibal accusing Will of holding that over his head for eternity. 

Will threw a lamp. Hannibal hadn't flinched. 

But sometime after Will had stormed out, he wound up in a bar where almost no one spoke English, and emptied a large portion of their whiskey supply. 

All of that, he could handle. He could brush the liquor from his teeth and shower the filth from his body. What he couldn't rinse away, however, was finding himself in a seedy bathroom stall, an unknown blonde on her knees between his legs. Then, her legs around his waist as he pressed into her heat. The same, again, at her flat, where he eventually passed out and sneaked out on tiptoes when he woke at two in the afternoon.

No, nothing could rinse that away.

Even if it were possible for him to lie to Hannibal, he knew he wouldn't. Just the thought of it made his throat tight. But he knew there would be nothing easy about the conversation.

Hannibal was standing perfectly still as Will entered, gazing down at the flames in the fireplace. 

He didn't turn around, but his voice was clear. “Nearly twenty-four hours. I almost came to look for you.”

“I'm sorry,” Will said, voice rough from whiskey and remorse.

Hannibal faced him, then, and he looked as tired as Will felt. He was still in the same clothes he'd had on the day before.

“You're not apologizing for the length of time, and you're not apologizing for our argument. So, tell me, Will, what are you apologizing for?”

He knew. Will knew he would. It was unexplainable, but most things with Hannibal were. Will wasn't even shocked, it just made him feel even smaller.

“I am apologizing for those things. And for others. For everything. I screwed up and I'm sorry.”

“For everything,” Hannibal repeated, frighteningly detached as he stared at Will, unwavering.

“Don't kill her,” Will pleaded. He didn't even remember her name, but he knew Hannibal would manage to find her.

“She. Hmm.” Hannibal's hand twitched at his side, just slightly. “ _She_ died the moment she touched you.”

“Hannibal,” Will urged, taking a few tentative steps toward him. “She's innocent. We were drunk. She doesn't even know about you.”

“I don't intend for her to suffer long, but reminding me of your ability to erase me from your life is not the way to guarantee her a quick death.”

“It's not like that,” Will insisted, finally closing the distance between them. He put his hand on Hannibal's cheek. Everything _hurt._ “I couldn't erase you, even if I wanted to. Which I don't.”

Hannibal gave no reaction, except to take a deep breath, nose wrinkling slightly.

“Cheap perfume. Why am I not surprised.”

“Anything I say to you will sound rehearsed and cliche, but I am sorry. I was drunk, pissed off at you, and she was there. I barely remember it.”

“That's rather an odd reaction to anger.”

“Oh, as opposed to gutting everyone in the room?”

Hannibal stared at him for a long moment before looking down, mouth twisting with hurt as he nodded to himself. Without another word, Hannibal grabbed his keys and left, quietly closing the door behind him. 

Will crumbled.

**

It was hours before Hannibal returned. Will had spent the evening alternating between angry and worried. Hannibal was prone to illogical actions when he was upset, after all.

For Will's part, he'd never felt worse. He'd never felt so helpless. He loved Hannibal, and to know that he'd hurt him so tremendously made Will feel things he didn't know possible. Beyond that, he felt stupid; like a teenager that let alcohol control his body. Except it wasn't as simple as not letting his parents know. This mistake was so monumental that it could cost him his life, both figuratively and literally.

Will was determined to earn Hannibal's forgiveness. After everything they'd been through, they could make it through this.

“Who makes a lock that intricate for a front door? M’having it changed first thing in the morning.”

Hannibal's words were thick, accent much heavier than normal as he slammed the door. His cheeks were flushed red and his hair hung over his heavy-lidded eyes. He hiccuped as he slung his keys on the counter.

Will couldn't believe what he was seeing. “Are you drunk?”

“Are you blind?” Hannibal muttered sarcastically, swaying as he toed off his shoes. 

Will had never seen Hannibal so human. Snarky and messy. Despite the negative energy, Will couldn't stop himself from smiling at how adorable he was.

“Come sit, before you fall over.”

“M’equilibrium is perfectly capable at the moment,thank you.” He said, but fell onto the chaise anyway. 

Will walked over and sat next to him, ignoring the very strong smell of liquor and possibly cigarette smoke. Hannibal leaned in, sighing into his hair.

“You showered. You don't smell like her anymore. You smell like you. Like my own personal heaven and hell.”

“I thought you hated my aftershave?” Will murmured, teasing just a bit, if not for any other reason but to pretend everything was normal and not at all destroyed.

“It is rather unfortunate aftershave, but it's you and therefore, I could not hate it.” Hannibal kissed Will's temple, and then his cheek, sliding a sloppy hand onto Will's thigh. “Want to make you smell like me. Eradicate every trace of her from your being.”

Will shivered but stopped Hannibal's hand before it could get any higher. He knew it was the liquor talking, that Hannibal wasn't ready to forget, even if Hannibal didn't know it himself yet.

“She's already gone,” Will whispered, hoping Hannibal could hear the sincerity in his tone.

“But she's not,” Hannibal whispered back, tapping his forehead. “She's in here.This nameless, blonde creature that's ripped my world apart.”

Will took Hannibal's face in his hands and kissed him softly, whispering against his lips, “I'll make her go away, I promise. When you're sober and have had sufficient chance to yell at me.”

“I fear I haven't been this drunk in a very long time. I'm sad. Devastated, really. I'm not sure if you're aware but I don't handle these particular emotions well.”

“You haven't tried to kill me yet. That's something.”

“I thought about it, though. All night. I thought about all the different ways I could do it. But it didn't make me feel better, the opposite, actually. Which is just dreadful, to realize how broken I'll be when you leave me.”

Will frowned. “Why do you say ‘when’ rather than ‘if?’ 

“Because you will,” Hannibal stated plainly, eyes closed as he nuzzled Will's cheek. “Maybe not today or next week, but you will. I've done too much, and you'll always see those acts when you look at me. You'll never breathe for me, as I do for you. I've just tried to enjoy our time together, honestly, but now I understand what will happen to me when that time comes.”

“Hannibal…” Will vowed to himself to show Hannibal -once he was aware again- how wrong he was. He wanted to brand it into his skin so Hannibal could feel the truth every time they touched.

“Will you kill me instead?” Hannibal asked, perfectly genuine as he opened his eyes to look into Will's. “I realize that if you're intent to hurt, death would be mercy, but if you have it in your heart, please, kill me. I won't fight.”

“Hannibal, stop. We're not having this conversation tonight, you're drunk. Let's go to bed and we'll sort everything in the morning. We're gonna be fine, I promise.” They had to be. Will couldn't bear the thought of any alternative.

Will stood and helped Hannibal up, practically carrying him as Hannibal clumsily walked to their bedroom. Will undressed him and put him in bed, then walked back to the kitchen to grab aspirin and a glass of water for Hannibal to find on the nightstand in the morning. 

When he returned to the room, Hannibal was blindly reaching to Will's side of the bed. Quickly, Will stripped to his underwear and climbed under the covers, pulling Hannibal against his chest. 

“Love you, you know?” Hannibal slurred into Will's skin. “As much as anyone has ever loved anything. I don't say that enough, and I know it's my fault you fell into the arms of another…”

“Shhh…” Will carded his fingers through Hannibal's soft hair, scratching gently.

“Please, don't leave me, Will,” Hannibal's voice cracked, and that pitiful sound resonated all the way to Will's bones. “I'll be anything you want, accept anyone you wish to have, just please, don't leave me in this life alone.”

Hannibal drifted off, tears on his cheeks, oblivious to the sound of Will's heart shattering.


	2. Ugly Truths

Surprisingly, Will had no nightmares, but that was mostly due to his lack of sleep at all. He’d chosen to keep an eye on Hannibal, instead, in case he got sick or needed anything. He must’ve dozed at some point in the early morning hours; he woke to a hand gently cupping his cheek.

When he opened his eyes, Hannibal was staring right at him, eyes puffy and guarded. 

“Hi,” Will whispered, reaching up to cover Hannibal’s hand on his face.

“Good morning, Will.” 

“Do you… remember…”

“The consumption of alcohol does not cloud my memory as it does for many.”

Will just nodded, hating the awkward tension between them. He had so many things he wanted to say, so many declarations he wanted to make, but Hannibal was searching his face with an inscrutable look and it took all of Will’s words away. 

Hannibal’s eyes closed briefly and then he was turning away. “I need to shower.”

Any other morning, Will would’ve joined him. If last night had been any other, he would’ve teased Hannibal about his state until Hannibal was pushing him into the shower wall, fingers gripping thighs and a hard kiss to shut him up. 

But it wasn’t any other and they weren’t okay, so Will threw on a t-shirt and went to the kitchen, instead. 

He cooked eggs, and toast, nothing fancy or creative like Hannibal would’ve, but he made enough for two. Then, he cleaned up the lamp he’d thrown two days earlier, as well as Hannibal’s shoes and the clothes Will had taken off of him. 

His stomach twisted with unease and his head hurt. Sleepy but sleepless. He wanted Hannibal to wrap him in his arms and spend the day in bed. He wanted to kiss the pain away from every line of Hannibal’s body until they were inseparable from one another. 

He wanted Hannibal to know the truth. 

He flinched when arms circled his waist, caging him against the kitchen counter. “Thank you for breakfast.” Hannibal said lowly.

“It’s just eggs,” Will muttered, shivering as Hannibal kissed his neck. 

Will spun in Hannibal’s embrace, looking into his lover’s tired eyes. Hannibal’s hair was still wet, slicked back and he smelled glorious, pristine and masculine and the very embodiment of all things Will had come to love. He had a towel wrapped around his waist. 

Will knew they had to talk. They couldn’t just ignore this, as they’d done with other things. But Hannibal’s lips were hovering over his and he was dizzy with the closeness. He’d never ached for Hannibal’s touch so desperately. 

“Please,” Will whispered, fingers itching to touch. _Please, show me we’re going to get through this. I can’t do this without you._

Gently, Hannibal kissed him, then harder when Will moaned and melted against him. He wanted Hannibal to open him up, fuck him raw, lay claim to every inch of him.

Will wanted to feel whole again. 

He pushed away from the counter, biting at Hannibal’s bottom lip before taking his hand and all but dragging him back to the bedroom. 

After, they’d talk. They’d spend hours analyzing and dissecting every word and action until Hannibal was satisfied. But right now, what Will needed was an entirely different type of therapy. 

Hannibal watched Will undress, emotionless save for the storm in his eyes, and still didn’t move when Will pulled the towel from his waist. 

His expression may have been blank, but he was hard, and Will wanted to spend lifetimes worshipping him.

With shaking hands, Will slid his palms over Hannibal’s chest, kissing the skin over his pulse point. 

“Please,” Will asked again when Hannibal made no move to touch him. 

“I’m going to hurt you,” Hannibal stated, matter-of-fact but still unmoving. 

Will kissed his collarbone and dragged his fingers down Hannibal’s back. “Claw your way to my bones. Destroy me. I don’t care as long as you’re touching me.”

Will meant it. He was hard and aching and drowning. Desperate for everything Hannibal could give him. And if it meant blood stained sheets and healing wounds, that was perfectly okay, if it took that look out of Hannibal’s eyes. 

Hannibal clutched him then, nails digging hard into Will’s ribs as he kissed him, sighing heavily against Will’s lips and Will had never been so hungry for anything in his life. 

They managed to find the bed, Hannibal’s fingers tight in Will’s hair as he pushed him onto the pillows. Will arched, pressing his cock into Hannibal’s stomach and groaning.

“You’ll be my undoing,” Hannibal whispered deeply, teeth scraping against Will’s throat. 

Will managed to hold back his scream when Hannibal bit into his shoulder, hard enough that Will knew there would be blood. Immediately, Hannibal sucked a bruise into the already abused flesh, and then another just below Will’s ear. 

It was the most base form of marking, and Will couldn’t get enough of it. Hannibal was rocking into him, hard and dripping between Will’s cheeks as he bit Will’s lips. 

They were tangled limbs and needy sounds, hot desperation to get more of each other. To erase everything that stood between them. 

That’s why Will loved him so much, why they fit so perfectly. The world and all of the insignificant people in it were absolutely inconsequential when put next to the passion they felt for one another. Nothing short of divine intervention could stop them. 

“Hannibal,” Will breathed, wrapping himself around his lover’s waist to keep him close. Will’s cock throbbed between his legs.

Usually, Hannibal’s composure was in tact even during sex. Passionate, but calm, breathy sighs and whispers of Will’s name. Today, however, he felt like a man unhinged, growling and grunting into Will’s neck. Will drank it in, stomach clenching with want at every sound that left Hannibal’s lips.

“Take me,” Will pleaded, clawing at Hannibal’s back until it drew a hiss from his lips. “Take everything you need.”

Hannibal groaned, a low and broken sound in the back of his throat as he sat up, gripping Will’s hips and still thrusting between his legs. “I want your blood on my tongue. I want to rip you open and remake you into mine again.”

Quickly, Will spit into his palm and reached between them, slicking Hannibal’s cock further before pressing himself against the swollen head. 

Will understood then just how far gone Hannibal was. He would’ve never been so careless on any other day but today was not any other day and neither of them were whole.

Hannibal gasped as he slid inside, choking back a groan and Will couldn’t stop staring at the raw look on his face. Brow furrowed, eyes clenched shut and bottom lip between his teeth. He was beautiful, and Will wouldn’t dare look away.

Hannibal thrust, hard, stealing Will’s breath with the force of it. It hurt, but Will welcomed the pain with a strangled noise, canting his hips upward. Hannibal fell forward, one hand pressed into the mattress and the other wrapping around Will’s throat. 

Hannibal looked down at him, vulnerable and raw. “You’re everything. How did you become everything?”

Will just gripped him tighter, elated to hear the unfiltered words pour from Hannibal’s mind. His body burned, thighs aching and cock pulsing with need. 

Deliberately, Hannibal scratched Will’s chest, long, angry marks deep enough to seep scarlet. Then, he bit his neck again, growling at the taste that made his hips stutter. All Will could do was hang on, relish the pain and let Hannibal hear how much he craved him. 

Will turned his head, lips resting against Hannibal’s ear. “I love you,” he whispered.

Hannibal sobbed and slipped his hand between them to roughly stroke Will. “Say it again,” he demanded, voice muffled against Will’s throat.

“I love you.”

“Again.” His thrusts sped, rocking harshly.

“I love you. I love you. You’re everything, too.”

Hannibal, for the first time, was silent when he came, teeth buried in Will’s flesh. Will followed almost immediately, body arching off the bed as his cock jerked hard in Hannibal’s palm. 

Minutes passed, only the sounds of their heavy panting to fill the room. Hannibal covered Will’s throat and shoulder with gentle kisses, murmuring in a language Will couldn’t catch. Exhausted, mentally and physically, all Will could do was melt under him, run his fingers through Hannibal’s silvery hair. 

“Come with me,” Hannibal murmured, kissing Will’s cheek before slowly standing. 

Will ached everywhere when he stood. He hadn’t fully registered the amount of damage during the heat of the moment but he was covered in marks. His neck, his shoulders, his chest, even his back burned with what felt like scratches. His thighs were scattered with nail impressions, and his muscles were sore. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so good.

They showered in almost total silence, but Hannibal couldn’t stop touching him. It made Will’s heart swell as they washed each other, reminding each other of all the things left unsaid.

Once they were clean, they dressed and made their way to the kitchen. Hannibal immediately started pulling out ingredients for lunch and Will sat at the bar, more than happy to watch Hannibal in his favorite environment.

“I followed you last night,” Hannibal said as he began dicing vegetables. Will wasn’t surprised. “I watched you become inebriated, and only a moment before I had decided to reveal myself to you, I watched you follow her to the restroom.”

Will had nothing to say, his guilt too thick in his throat. He looked down, picking at his thumb nail as he waited for Hannibal to continue. 

“I very nearly killed the both of you in that moment.” Hannibal’s voice became detached again, but Will knew it was only to disguise the anger. “I would have, if not for the patrons of that establishment. Then, again, when you went back to her residence. But the thought of your blood on my hands did not have the desired effect on my mind, so I returned home.”

“I wish I could take it back,” Will said softly, heart constricting.

“I wish I could give Abigail back,” Hannibal sighed, setting down the knife and rounding the counter to stand near Will. He forced Will to meet his eyes. “I wish I could erase the time you spent institutionalized. But I can’t. Nor can you.”

Will swallowed hard, wishing he could speak words that would end all of this. He didn’t have any. 

“For the rest of our days, every time we look at one another, you’ll see my knife at Abigail’s throat. I’ll see your fingers in her hair. These things will never go away.”

“I can live with that. Can you?”

Hannibal leaned in and kissed Will’s hair. “Yes. Once she’s in pieces.”

Will cringed and pulled back, looking into his lover’s eyes. “Don’t hurt her, Hannibal, please. For me.”

“You’ve asked many things of me, Will. Don’t ask this.”

“I am,” Will replied, grasping Hannibal’s hand tightly. “I’m begging. Just let it go. Please.”

“I destroy her or I destroy us. There is no other way.”

Will didn’t need Hannibal to elaborate. It was a tangible thing he’d seen Hannibal struggle with many times. If he didn’t sate this urge, it would spill over into their daily lives. It’d crawl under his skin until he burst, and the fallout would kill one or both of them. 

“Just…. I don’t want to know about it. Don’t tell me about it, and don’t bring any of her home.”

“Very well,” Hannibal agreed, kissing Will’s knuckles.

“We’re going to be okay, right?”

“Our feelings can hardly be measured in words and could survive nearly any human error. We’re going to be the death of one another and it’s going to be brutal, unforgiving carnage. So, yes.”

Will thought that was just fine.


End file.
